How do you know if adoption is the right next step for your family?
For some couples, the consideration of adoption comes after infertility, loss, disappointment, or grieving the family they thought they would have. At some point, the desire to become parents may become bigger than the specific way they originally imagined becoming parents.
In this episode, we talk about what it can look like to learn, pray, discern, and consider whether adoption may be the next step for your family.
In This Episode, We Talk About:
- When the desire to become a parent becomes bigger than the method
- Recognizing that your vision for your family may look different than you originally imagined
- What adoption actually requires
- The lack of control that can come with adoption and why it often requires surrender
- Learning about open adoption before deciding how you feel about it
- Why researching adoption is an important part of making an informed decision
- Listening to adoption podcasts such as Let’s Talk Adoption and Infant Adoption Guide
- Talking with adoption agencies and adoptive parents who have experienced the process firsthand
- Guidance for spiritual discernment as a couple
- Giving each spouse intentional time to pray, seek the Lord, and quietly contemplate adoption individually
- What a “call to adoption” might actually look like
- Why you don’t have to have everything figured out before taking the next step
Three Steps of Spiritual Discernment
- Seek the Lord individually.
- Come together and share what you’re sensing.
- Continue seeking God as you take appropriate next steps.
Give each spouse intentional time alone to pray, be quiet, and ask God to search their heart and reveal their desires, fears, motives, and expectations.
After spending time individually with the Lord, talk openly about what each of you is feeling. Are you both becoming more willing to consider adoption? Are there concerns that need more prayer or information?
Discernment doesn’t always happen in one conversation or one prayer session. Sometimes clarity comes as you pray, learn, ask questions, talk with people who have adopted, and take small steps forward.
What Is a Call to Adoption?
A call to adoption doesn’t necessarily mean hearing an audible voice from God or having one dramatic moment when you suddenly know.
For some people, it may be a strong conviction. For others, it may develop gradually as they pray, grieve, learn about adoption, and become increasingly open to a different way of building their family.
It may sound something like:
“Lord, if this is where You are leading us, we’re willing to go.”
A call doesn’t mean adoption will be easy or that you will never have fear or questions. It can simply mean you’re willing to surrender your expectations, trust God with what you can’t control, and take the next faithful step.
Scripture for This Episode
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5–6
“Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all of these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 4:7
“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Ephesians 4:30-31
From Joyce Meyer
When God sees that we want His will more than anything else, He is faithful to reveal it to us. As we walk in His will, we will find that it is better than anything we could ever want for ourselves.
Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all of these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33
Prayer of the Day: Lord, help me desire Your will above my own. Give me wisdom, peace, and courage to follow Your direction and trust that Your plans are best for my life, amen.
Dr. R.T. Kendall teaches that discovering and knowing God’s will relies on aligning your life with Scripture, peace, and the sensitivity of the Holy Spirit rather than living in fear of making a wrong choice.
The P.E.A.C.E. Guidelines
Dr. Kendall uses the acronym PEACE to outline practical steps for discerning whether a decision or path is truly God’s will:
- Providential (P): Does the opportunity fall into place naturally, or do you have to force and manipulate circumstances to make it happen?
- Enemy (E): Consider the adversary. Ask yourself what the devil would think of this choice—does it please or displease God?
- Authority (A): Check the Bible. The Holy Spirit will never lead you to do something that contradicts Holy Scripture.
- Confidence (C): Does the direction increase your inner assurance and sense of well-being, strengthening your faith?
- Ease (E): Does the decision ultimately bring a settled, God-given sense of internal rest rather than frantic anxiety?
Core Principles for Guidance
- Avoid Grieving the Spirit:
30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Ephesians 4:30 and 31 - Embrace Total Forgiveness: Releasing bitterness and practicing total forgiveness clears the internal static that blocks you from discerning God’s direction.
- Rest in His Sovereignty: God’s will is not an intricate guessing game meant to trap you; He desires to guide you as you spend quiet time in prayer and immerse yourself in His Word.
Resources mentioned:
What Research Really Says About Open Adoption
Adoption Q&A: Questions About Open Adoption, Cost, and Waiting
Adopting Three Times: A Dad’s Perspective with Tim Elder
The Sensitivity of the Holy Spirit, with Dr. R.T. Kendall
